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Names of some identifiable theaters, towns and country music stars have been edited to protect Josh from identifying Google searchs. CAPITALIZED NOUNS indicate my only edits to his posts.
Fans, who wish to track Josh's ongoing travels can read his previous entries here.
On The Road With Josh #8:
April Is the Cruelest albeit Fairly Entertaining Month
Who's ready for a carafe of conversation, huh!? I know I am!
Down and out and ready for some warm weather? Well, we've got the scoop on this summer's fashion trends, including an environmental palette that's sure to make everyone go in heat everywhere under the sun! Puns are funny (did you get that last one?) Yes indeed, color name is the color game in this trend for summer, and it's all based on this utterly insane "natural" theme: "Nature"! With colors named for food and plants, and one stone, nothing says "environmentally aware chic" like Pomegranate, Orchid, Celadon, Coconut, Cyprus and Teak. You can rock-a-bye-bye winter blues in those Coconut and Cyprus trees with confidence while you're rocking fabulous fashion! I have no fuckin' clue what Teak is, I think it's a tree, but who cares! It's "in," and that's all you need to win!
I feel so scintillated!
Don't you feel scintillated?
I know I feel scintillated.
And what better way to celebrate nature than through fashion! It's super perfection hot, hot, hot, extra sexy fantastic energy fucking fabulous!
This is the monologue that went through my mind, in an annoyingly overdone British accent, while I stood stock still in the bathroom of the TA truck stop, waiting to use the urinal while two easily 200+ pound jackasses finished brawling. Plaisantez-vous? Anything, something that seemed like it could conceivably make more sense for my mind to grasp than what I beheld before me. I snuck into the women's bathroom, peed, scared some buck-toothed bodacious set of thermal-shirted ta-ta's that walked in as I was leaving, and ran back to the truck. Yeah, this is a glorious lifestyle…I'm a rock star…. Everything you've heard about truck stops is absolutely true, and we have managed to come across some real winners. Onto other things...
Madison, WI
Crew for the most part was fine, knowledgeable, standoffish, but cooperative; I got yelled at for not operating the lift gate on the truck quickly enough by a hippy-dread-locked white guy who smelled like (would you believe it?) cheese; shows went well, venue was beautiful; hotel was beyond comfortable. I like Madison. It's comfortable. It's cute. It was just enough time to remind me that it's a lovely place to visit.
Appleton, WI
Crew: Never said hello to us; one guy with long stringy grey hair and round thick glasses who had Torrets syndrome kept shouting surly remarks every now and then (total weenis, and he showed up late after the first show had started, and walked off backstage yelling about doughnuts); the TD was present on the day of the shows but did not help with load out because he had too much paperwork, and not enough crew, although this was relayed to us through the sentence "uh, look at my desk. You think I have time to deal with you?"…nice, totes, nice; the costume woman would look to the right and left when she was walking down the halls but not at me when I asked her questions, and she also felt duty-bound to explain to me how the laundry machines worked (they were purchased at Sears…omg…), and she talked a lot about her road work, specifically her connection to Martin Short and how they're best friends and he jumps into her arms every time he sees her…let me never aspire to become this person. Venue: lovely, huge, LOADING DOCKS (sweet, sweet poetry).
Rockford, IL
These were kind of a few blasé days off, with little sleep, and much paperwork to on which to catch up. Although, my now roommate/TD had purchased a Wii (and for those of you who think this is some sort of strange Roman number, it is not, rather it is a new (ish) Nintendo gaming system that does wonders for the elderly and nerds like me, apparently) and we did spend a fair amount of time playing a game called Raving Rabbits. It is based on mini-games, ranging from hitting a rabbit on the head as fast as you can to gain points (which is fine because this is all this particular rabbit is good for) and another (my fave) which involves using the remote the system comes with and its counterpart (called a numchuck) as drumsticks; the objective is to drum the beat of the song that is playing whenever rabbits land on two star spaces on the apron of what is some sort of rabbit disco-tech. I successfully negotiated through the songs The Macarena, La Bamba, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, and some other familiar song that has appeared in a Quentin Tarrentino film. Anyway, I got upset every time I couldn't do something, leading me to believe that I'm not as into the video game culture as some might believe (although, to watch me playing these things you'd think I'd be on spending all of my money on thus stuff…no, no, I love the sun too much, and I like NPR and crosswords too much. Fear not!)
Springfield, MO
Drive down: Included a "Jesus, I trust you" sign in between a Steak 'N' Shake and a Taco Bell. An intoxicated woman swerving on the highway, plowed into an SUV and a Suburu (she seemed all right and made gestures that suggested she was worried about her hair, but her casserole dish undoubtedly suffered a major blow as there was what appeared to be cheese/meat dip smeared all over her windshield…sad face…); at one point the bumps on the road made the driver's seat bounce up and down as if I were riding an angry stallion. Seriously, my ass still hurts and I knocked my head against the ceiling of the cabs (a fair distance for those who know of what I speak.) However, a Hampton Inn (cacophonous cheers resounding loudly throughout the land) greeted us with comfy beds and coffee and cookies at the end of the drive. We loaded in today (I have gotten so good at getting props and wardrobe done by myself in four hours), and apart from some shifty-eyed college students, had a marvelously easy day. A morning and evening show tomorrow, with an evening load out (8-10pm). By the end of the week, we'll be in California…this scares me, as I am farthest from the west coast attitude as one can get. We shall see…
I'm so exhausted. So exhausted from being away from home, and familiarity. So exhausted from managing money, and doing my job, and biting my tongue, and following rules. I just hate it. I really do. My mother was right: I was bound for much more self-entrepreneurial things. I'm at my best when I am my own boss, and when the challenges I face I can battle on my terms. I suppose it just feels so different because I'm not in Chicago dealing with the same things. I cannot tell if I get moody about things because they are reason enough to be moody about, or if I am recognizing that they change self-concept and me. Maybe a little bit of both. Regardless, I am beyond ready to come home. I would do this again, though. The money and security is worth it. Transferring my usefulness and uniqueness and talent to a different set of people and circumstances was worth it. I just cannot do this again anytime too soon.
Also, I have received some criticism on my spelling and grammatical errors in all of my updates. It is true…I am not at my best when I write these things. I did do a spelling and grammar check, so hopefully there will be less hypercritical jabbing at my humor/seriousness/ego…well, probably not, but it's nice to hope. Sometimes my style does stray from the unorthodox and enters the realm of "whatthehell", and while that is a flaw, no one else I know writes like I do…because they are better, but never mind I'm trying to make a point!
Have an excellent week wherever, whoever you are. Enjoy everything you have in your life, the good, bad, and uncertain, for these things are more important than the stuff you don't have yet.
Word to your mother,
Joshua
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